But now it's 4am, I can't sleep and I've turned on one set of the white lights in the living room. And it's...kinda nice. Peaceful.
I haven't been lighting his Christmas candle the last few years. It's just sitting on a dresser in the bedroom and I dust it every once in a while. I've been afraid of making my family sad by getting it out. And I guess myself. It's not great when you restrict yourself from expressing your love for your children in your own home. Still working on that.