Wednesday, December 20, 2017

Betrayal

I've been thinking about betrayal a lot lately. The biggest betrayal of my life so far has been the death of my baby at birth. Being told that I was bringing a new baby home. Being told by everyone around me, friends and strangers alike, that I would have a second child. Being told by the doctor that he was taking care of us.

The betrayal of my body against my family.

The day I went into labour, Pete & I were joking in the assessment room, finally excited after a difficult pregnancy. After losing one at 17 weeks. After not being sure we could even get pregnant after we had our daughter. Even getting pregnant with her took 3 years. We started to relax in that room.

It didn't last long.

The nurse couldn't find his heartbeat. She moved her hands all over my belly.

"I'm just trying to figure out what position this baby is in."

Us getting quiet. Our smiles fading.

Knowing.


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