A foggy start to another year without him. You would think I would be used to the shock of realization, each and every time. But no. Each day is a new day without him. I feel it more on special days. I think that's a good thing. I don't want to feel anything less. Feeling less is not something to strive for. But life gets so busy at times and it seems like emotions get compartmentalized. I suppose that's convenient but I can't help feeling that you pay it back with interest. Like maybe today.
We've had a really nice holiday season. Lots of seasonal activities, but also lots of peaceful time as a family. Our daughter brings us so much joy and laughter, every single day since the day she was born. We love our son just as much. The two don't cancel each other out.
His birthday is coming up next week. Four years. We will make our annual trip somewhere, not sure where yet, to be together, remember, scatter some flower petals, bake a cake. Maybe we'll see some snow, no mean feat here on "the wet coast" of Canada.
Starting another year just as we should, holding both joy and sorrow. It is part of the wonder of this life.