Sunday, May 10, 2015

When Mothers Day Means Remembering Loss

To whom it may concern:

As a bereaved mother of a stillborn baby boy, I was deeply hurt to read this description of him in one of your recent articles: "a child that never was". There is so much misunderstanding about stillbirth, the most harmful one being that people don't seem to understand that it is the death of a beloved child. If your story was about a 2 year old who had died, would the writer have called him or her "a child that never was"? When our grandparents or parents die, do we think of them, and refer to them, as people who never were? I can assure you, with immense pain and sorrow, that my son WAS. I was 37 weeks and 5 days pregnant when I delivered him. He weighed 6 lbs 10 0z and measured 19.9". And he was perfect. He died of an umbilical cord accident. And you cannot die without first living. To his family and those who care about us, he most definitely was, and continues to be, a real person in our lives. It feels ludicrous to even have to assert this. I hope in the future, you will take more care to not add to bereaved families' burden of grief.

Sincerely,
Andrea R.
(Toren's heartbroken mom)

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