Monday, November 26, 2012

Staying Positive

One thing I don't waste a single moment trying to do is "stay positive". Even if I could figure out what it means, I probably wouldn't bother with it. There seems to be a huge emphasis on the idea of the power of positive thinking. If it works for you, fill your boots. For me, as the mother of a dead child, I will always believe to the core of my being that it's a bullshit waste of time and energy. Much better to just be real.

One thing that particularly bothers me about this idea of staying positive is how it assigns blame. I know too many women who are grieving a child and trying to get pregnant, who are being told that if they just "think positive" or "stay positive", it will all work out. So if it's not all "working out", well they are to blame because they're just not working hard enough on those positive thoughts. It adds to the guilt because it sends the message that we are in control of things that we are truly not. And the natural extension for me would be that I am to blame for Toren's death. If the power of positive thinking really worked, my son would be alive. It freaks me out that people promote these hurtful and unhelpful ideas. Again, I think this is one of those things that people say for their own comfort.

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